There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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