She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
