y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
