Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
