somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
