he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize