I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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