I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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