Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Still dying that you shit outside
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
