I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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