dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize