Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
