Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
