her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
