Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
