Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
did i walk over a car last night?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
