I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
