we're blogging at a bar
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
whose parrot is this?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
