i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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