Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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