u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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