I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
