Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
