I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
