I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
