1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
