sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
