I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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