It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
