I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
