Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
