She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
