She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
