she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
