I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
