I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
