fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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