I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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