i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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