dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
