ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
