I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
