Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
