My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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