The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
