you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize