took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
