tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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