remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Randomize
