she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
organizing the empties. That sober.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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