the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
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