No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize