pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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