Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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