We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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