Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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