Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I touched a dick in church today
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
