did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
