I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
