Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
