If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
