U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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