a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Say something about gay babies.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
